Christening Speculation – Will it be Gorm or Knud?

Plans are underway for the Christening in three months time of the latest members of the Danish Royal Family.

Born on January 8^th to Princess Mary and Prince Frederik, the twins are currently called Lille Pige and Lille Dreng for “little girl” and “little boy”. Their names will not be revealed until the Christening, but this hasn’t stopped the Danish public speculating on the internet.

When you read the most popular suggestions, I think you will agree, it is probably preferable to grow up as a girl in Denmark.

The most popular suggested names for the girl are: Caroline, Sophie, Louise or Charlotte ….

And for the boy? …. Well …. Here we go: Gorm, Knud, Sven and Harald

Don’t you just love those Danes.

7,000 Godchildren and 500 Christenings in one day

Congratulations to Orthodox Patriarch of Georgia, Ilia II, on successfully Christening more than 500 children on one day, whilst celebrating Epiphany at the Orthodox Holy Trinity cathedral in Tbilisi. Families with three or more children could have their youngest child Christened in this annual ceremony celebrated on the new Orthodox date of epiphany – January 19th.

Whilst this is an impressive feat, worthy of a doffing of the cap from yours truly, Ilia II attains superhero status in my eyes for one simple fact …. he has over 7,000 godchildren – respect, my man, respect.

Entente and the meaning of Marraine

Just returned from across The Channel where I attended my first French Christening. The lady wife’s youngest sister is married to a charming French chap and we were invited across to fly the flag and keep the British end up.

Interesting …. very interesting.

The service was a scream (in all senses of the word) with loads of mini-tadpoles getting the treatment from an over-excited flapping priest. After a while it became obvious that the priest was making it all up as he went along and the assembled parents, friends and relatives – although cooing and oh-la-la-ing as required – were definitely keen to hurry the ceremony along as quickly a possible … why waste valuable time when there’s some healthy celebratory food and drink waiting round the corner at the local restaurant.

Suffice it to say everyone was very charming (The French are either very charming or very rude – there’s nothing in between). My only faux pas was when one of the guests asked me if my wife was a meringue. And I, thinking something had been lost in translation, replied that she was watching her weight and that meringue would be the worst possible thing for her to choose. This was received a bit frostily, so I had another glass of fizz.

It was only when I returned to dear old blighty that I discovered that a Marraine is a French Godmother.

Oops.

Godchildren are not just for Christenings

I really do dread this time of year. Not only am I exposed to an excess of my mother-in-law, whose mild insanity becomes more pronounced each Christmas, I also suffer severe bank related stress due to the legion of godchildren I have been lumbered with over the last couple of decades … each of the little blighters seems to expect a seasonal yuletide prezzie from yours truly. I used to leave this rather onerous task to the lady wife, but she went on strike a few years ago after we received a text one Christmas which simply read; “Tx 4 prznt – nxt yr cash is fine”

With boys and girls of so many different ages to cater for, choosing the right prezzie can be a pain in the proverbial … until I hit on a cunning plan – buy them all exactly the same thing every year. Basically collect a set of something (anything) for them a piece at a time. Start a canteen of cutlery for when they leave home, collect limited edition pieces (plates, figurines, coins etc) – basically find something that you don’t need o think about year on year … the kids will hate you for it, but the parents seem to appreciate the effort.

The Christening Speech – the other godparents

This may sound pretty obvious, but when planning your speech or toast for your godchild don’t forget to say a few words about the other godparents. It’s all too easy to forget your partners in crime in your Christening speech.

Amazingly, although the parents of your godchild are either close friends or relatives of the mother and father, it is often the case that the godparents don’t know each other very well. It can be a bit unnerving when you turn up at the Christening to find a completely new side to your friends’ lives of which you have little knowledge. You are probably a good mate of the father from way back in the past, but you’ve seldom set eyes on the other godparents. You get introduced to the mother’s best mate from university, who you have vaguely heard of and may have seen at the wedding and the father’s brother who has been living in Dubai for the last ten years who you last talked to on the stag night.

So see if you can have a quick chat with the other godparents before the Christening and see if there is anything they want you to say. When you get to the speech you can include them more successfully and hopefully avoid one of my early Grumpy Godfather faux pas when I capped a particularly turgid Christening Speech by forgetting the other godparents’ names …

How not to make a speech for your Godchild

Well, the Grumpy Godfather has failed again.

How was I to know that the elegant holiday drinks party we had been invited to by some old friends was also doubling up as a birthday bash “for The Wrinkly Friends” of their 21 year old daughter … I suppose I could be forgiven for not cottoning on to that one. The idea seemed to be that the poor girl gets to have drinks with all her parents’ old cronies before high-tailing it out of there to go to the “real party” with her monosyllabic, rather scrofulous, boy friend at some local den of iniquity.

So, I’m forgiven for not realising it’s the little lady’s birthday party. What I’m not forgiven for is forgetting that I am her godfather. I turn up at the festivities exactly the same way I turned up at the Christening some twenty years earlier … without a present and without a speech prepared … and with distinctly less hair.

A warning to all future godfathers: Don’t worry about that Christening Speech, you’ve got at least 42 presents to find in the next few years and another speech to come.

A Great Christening Gift for a Girl

Christening gifts should last. They should be timeless. When you give a present to your goddaughter, you should give her something that in 20 years, 40 or even 60 years time she will still cherish … This can hardly be said for some of the trendy plastic gewgaws on offer today. Go traditional not trendy – you know it makes sense.

Anyway, enough of the Grumpy Godfather’s favourite rant. Here’s something I came across recently – the perfect gift for a goddaughter that can sit on her dressing table for years to come.

Christenings – choosing the right name

Recently published statistics from the New York City Department of Health have shown a sudden surge in the number of parents naming their sons “Jayden”. In fact the name has become so popular that it is now number two in their list.

Why?

Well, it turns out that this is the name that Britney Spears has given to her son … so it’s totally reasonable that anybody else in their right mind would also wish to Christen their own child “Jayden” as well isn’t it?

I mean, think about it, in later life a child won’t be stigmatised in any way for carrying a celeb name plucked from popular culture at the time of their birth. We don’t pre-judge kids we meet today just because they are called Wayne or Chardonnay or Kylie or even Britney now do we?

Another name you may wish to consider when Christening your son is Keanu, while for your daughter, what about Madonna, Shakira and Kiera … they really will thank you for it when they grow up.

Your Christening Speech – Just Ask

As a godfather or godmother, making a speech after the Christening can be daunting. We have looked at lots of different ways of approaching a Christening speech or toast, but, if you are looking for more ideas, don’t forget your godchild’s parents.

This may seem an obvious suggestion, but it is easy to overlook two of the most important people present at the service.

Firstly, it is worth talking to them before the big day to ask if there is anything they would like you to say. There may be a relative who has travelled a long way who deserves a mention or a friend who has been particularly supportive during the pregnancy who needs recognition. There may be something they would like you to say on their behalf.

Secondly, they’ve probably put a lot of effort into planning the Christening day, which is no mean feat considering all the other stresses and strains placed on young parents. So it is worth including a few words about Mum & Dad … how well they’ve done, how lucky your godchild is etc etc

Good luck with the speech!

Another Christening Toast

Hattie has sent me the following toast for your Christening speech. I’m not so sure about this one, but I suppose the sentiments are pretty sound:

“May you live as long as you want, and may you never want as long as you live.”

Have a look at Christening Toasts if you need some ideas

A sweet Christening Toast

Here’s another sweet Christening toast for the end of that Christening Speech:

“May the Lord cradle you in His hand, but never close His fist too tight.
May your pockets always be heavy and your heart always be light.”

Good luck if you have to make a Christening Speech this weekend!

A Christening Gift you can bank on

I woke up at about three o’clock this morning in a cold sweat. The old pension fund has gone down the tubes over the last week, all my savings are shot … what’s left of them after dishing out copious high quality Christening presents to legions of undeserving little monsters … and the mansion has slipped into negative equity for that added touch of schadenfreude for our smug neighbours in the next valley (sic).

Then, a ray of sunshine came into my blighted world, the heavy cloud of doom shimmered with a silver lining. One problem I had been grappling with was solved. I now knew what I could get young Toby for a Christening gift for next weekend … I could buy him a bank – there are so many around at the moment going for very reasonable prices. All I need to do is choose the nationality … mmmm his mother is Icelandic.

Christening Gift for a Boy

Here’s an idea for a Christening gift for a boy. You’ve probably thought about tankards, napkin rings or a bible, but have you considered a silver quaich?

“A silver what?” I hear you cry. Well, a quaich, pronounced quake as in earthquake, is a celtic cup that over time has come to represent a “friendship cup”. It is a two-handled shallow cup or bowl that has been used for centuries for toasts at Christenings, Weddings and even Wakes. If you need a Christening gift for a boy, especially if he has Scottish or Irish roots, a Christening gift silver quaich will have more resonance than most trinkets on the market.

Christening Speech / Toast some more ideas

We’ve touched on the difficulties of making a speech at the Christening a few times (see speech). Here a just a few more thoughts for what you may wish to include:

Congratulate the parents on the production of such a beautiful child.

Congratulate the child on choosing to be born into such a close and loving family.

Thank the parents for giving you the honour and responsibility of being the little bundle of joy’s godparent.

Reassure everyone that you will be there for the child through good times and bad.

And don’t forget to thank the vicar / priest, thank all the guests for coming, thank whoever was responsible for providing the food and drink.

Keep it short, don’t get too emotional, avoid “in” jokes and finish off with a toast.

I was at a Christening once for a lad called James and his godfather simply raised a glass and said: “Lucky Jim” …. I wouldn’t recommend being quite this brief.

See Christening Toasts for more ideas

Bibles as Christening Gifts

As a godparent, it is sometimes difficult to get the tone right when choosing a Christening gift. You need something that the parents will appreciate and that your godchild will take with them through life. There’s a lot of rather sickly baby gifts out there that I doubt will last and will certainly go out of fashion, but I recently came across these Christening Bibles – something that will last and carry memories for years.

Great Christening Toasts

Making a Christening toast at the end of a Christening speech is a skill. Making them meaningful and witty is nigh impossible. Here are a few that I have heard or used in the past:

“Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses and drink a toast to young Billie – wealth, health & happiness.”

“Be loving with your family, selfless with your friends and generous to everyman.”

“We wish young Billie good fortune, health and peace on his journey through life. May he find love and comfort when he is troubled, may he find true friendship as he grows and may he learn to be kind and considerate to everyone he meets over what we hope will be a long and happy life.”

“For a head that will always be bright, a stomach that will always be full and a heart that will always be happy…”

If you have any additional Christening toasts or any other Christening speech ideas, please add them to the comments below. You never know when you might need them.

See Christening Toasts for more ideas

Godchildren are like London Buses

Be careful when you accept the role of godparent for the first time. Godchildren are like London buses, you hang around for ages and then three come along at the same time.

No sooner have you left one Christening all aglow with good intentions than you get signed up for another. There is no solution to this problem, just accept the fact that once you have joined the club you have to pay your membership dues.

Christening Schmoltz

Sometimes you can stand at a full-blown Christening production and find yourself open-mouthed in awe at the proud parents’ party-planning abilities. The whole thing feels like a celebrity wedding being featured in Hello magazine rather than a family celebration of an important rite of passage.

From the personalised Christening invitations with a soft-focus image of the wonderful offspring (who still looks like Winston Churchill in any light), to baby’s pristine Christening outfit including wee white booties with bows and a cute white bonnet, the parents have gone out of their way to ensure that the poor child will be cringing for the rest of its life. Serviettes with monograms, party favors for all the guests and an hour long photo shoot will etch the big day forever in the memory.

I was at a Christening recently where the Christening gifts were displayed on a table in the centre of the room as at a wedding. All rather embarrassing since I had turned up with a tongue-in-cheek silver chip fork for the little chap.

When they start dishing out the confetti you know they’ve gone too far.

How far would you travel for a Christening?

I’m not a great one for a long journey to a family Christening. The further you travel, the greater the chance that you will have to “make a weekend of it” and stay overnight, leaving you sorely exposed to the possibility of an agonising evening with Cousin Ronald – bulbous claret nose, lugubrious droopy eyes.

But can anybody beat travelling 10,000 miles just for a Christening?

I recently heard about a couple, Sophie and Daniel Buffey, who travelled all the way back from Mooroolbark, Victoria, Australia to the Worcestershire village of Claines just to get their son, Aston, Christened. Sophie was brought up in the village, but 10,000 miles for a Christening is pretty impressive.

Can anyone improve on this?

Avoiding Great Aunt Maude at the Christening Party

Smelling vaguely of gin, cheroots and musty horse stables, Great Aunt Maude sways gently on the edge of the gathering as she prepares to ensnare her next victim for a quick lecture about “that ghastly Mr Brown”.

Everybody makes the mistake of trying to avoid Great Aunt Maude at the Christening party, when in fact the best policy is attack …

Like all the best military commanders, Great Aunt Maude relies on surprise. When you think she’s going to lead with the “too many immigrants” gambit, she outflanks you with “I don’t think the baby’s mother was as ugly as that when she was that age …”, you are prepared for “what a pity your father was such a failure at business”, when she surprises you with “what an amusing Christening, where did they find the alcoholic vicar”.

Although she would never admit it, Great Aunt Maude is pleased to have been included at the Christening. In fact, much to her surprise, she quite enjoys spending time with the family. So greet her warmly, ask solicitously about her pet dachshund and offer to find her another gin. Such unaccustomed kindness will certainly redirect the bile and possibly improve your position in the old inheritance stakes … so everyone’s happy.

After the Christening Speech

Standing up in front of a large group of people can be nerve-wracking for the best of us, but beware of the aftermath of making a Christening speech.

You’ve tried to be a touch witty, you’ve injected a bit of emotion, reflected on the world in which the wee little sausage will grow up and, with any luck, left the assembled company with a warm glow of hope about the future. With a hearty slap on the back you retire to the drinks table with the sense of a job well done.

The adrenaline is still pumping, so you knock back the first couple of glasses like a Cossack at the Vodka Olympics before returning to the party to glad-hand your admirers … Do not at this point ask to hold your new godson and wittily, as ever, stick a cigar in his mouth “because he looks just like Winston Churchill” …

… It’s amazing how quickly that golden glow fades.

See Christening Toasts for more ideas

Godparent’s Speech – More thoughts on toasts

Some more thoughts on that all important speech (see August 15th) … before you disappear into the corner for a fortifying snifter of medium dry sherry:

5) If it’s a girl, do not fall into an easy trap … beware of the old chestnut “Let’s hope she ends up with her mother’s looks and her father’s brains and let’s pray she doesn’t end up with the opposite” … the silence will be deafening. In these politically correct times, where women wear the trousers and us chaps aren’t allowed to leave the seat up after having a pee, the only acceptable variation of this line is:

“Little Chloe will be blessed if she ends up with the good looks of her mother and the intelligence of … her mother… ” howls of laughter, Germaine Greer feels vindicated and all the chaps understand completely where you are coming from.

Now you can retire for that medium dry sherry and get collared by Great Aunt Maude and her stole made from a dead fox.

See Christening Toasts for more ideas

Christening Gifts for a Boy

I’m afraid I’ve got a bit lazy when it comes dishing out the pressies at a Christening. Having found something I like, I usually stick with it. And this is the Christening present I give my godsons on the big day:

Nice isn’t it.

Buying for a boy is never easy. There’s loads to choose from for girls, with jewellery coming top of the list, but boys are different. You might consider some engraved cufflinks or fall back on such staples as napkin rings or an egg cup, but for me a tankard or cup fits the bill perfectly

The Godparent’s Speech – Don’t get caught out

Even if you haven’t been asked to give a speech as a godparent, it’s worth having a few thoughts up your sleeve. I speak from bitter experience, having been asked to “say a few words” by my new godson’s father only minutes before the toast. Suffice it to say, I made a complete hash of it. So here are a few pointers:

1) Thanks always go down well with: Vicar/priest, caterers, parents, grandparents, relatives and friends who have travelled so far …

2) You are honoured at being asked to be the little blighter’s godparent and hope that you will live up to the task.

3) The said little blighter is damn lucky to have such wonderful parents (and haven’t they done a great job so far)

4) Propose a toast for the wee bundle of joy … “Wealth, Health and Happiness” always gets a satisfactory round of applause.

Retire to corner of room and have a snifter.

Uppercrust Christenings

OK, so Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has got 30 Godchildren.

I thought this might be a good place to start – if only because the names are so enticing … here we go:

THE QUEEN’S GODSONS

Guy Nevill – son of Lord Rupert Nevill and Lady Camilla Wallop
Christening in 1945

Crown Prince Alexander of Yugoslavia – son of Peter II, King of Yugoslavia and Princess Alexandra of Greece
Christening in 1945

Charles Strachey, 4th Baron O’Hagan – son of Major the Honourable Anthony Strachey and Lady Mary Palmer
Christening in 1945

Julian Hardinge, 4th Baron Hardinge of Penhurst – son of George Hardinge, 3rd Baron Hardinge of Penhurst and Janet Balfour
Christening in 1945

Edward Hay – son of Sir Philip Hay and Margaret Seymour
Christening in 1950

Honourable Michael Knatchbull – son of John Knatchbull, 7th Baron Brabourne and Patricia Mountbatten, 2nd Countess Mountbatten of Burma
Christening in 1950

David Hall – son of Roger Hall and Audrey Mary Wheeler
Christening in 1950

Viscount Lascelles – son of George Lascelles, 7th Earl of Harewood and Marion Stein
Christening in 1950

Henry Percy, 11th Duke of Northumberland – son of Hugh Percy, 10th Duke of Northumberland and Lady Elizabeth Montagu-Douglas-Scott
Christening in 1953

Christopher Abel Smith – son of Brigadier Sir Alexander Abel Smith and Henriette Cadogan
Christening in 1954

George Herbert, 8th Earl of Carnarvon – son of Henry Herbert, 7th Earl of Carnarvon and Jean Wallop
Christening in 1956

George Leveson-Gower, 6th Earl Granville son of James Leveson-Gower, 5th Earl Granville and Doon Plunket
Christening in 1959

Honourable James Hussey – son of Marmaduke Hussey, Baron Hussey and Lady Susan Waldegrave
Christening in 1961

Viscount Linley – son of Antony Armstrong-Jones, 1st Earl of Snowdon and HRH Princess Margaret of Great Britain
Christening in 1961

James Ogilvy – son of Right Honourable Sir Angus Ogilvy and HRH Princess Alexandra of Great Britain
Christening in 1964

Charles Spencer, 9th Earl Spencer – son of John Spencer, 8th Earl Spencer and Honourable Frances Burke Roche
Christening in 1964

THE QUEEN’S GODDAUGHTERS

Lavinia King – daughter of Lieutenant-Commander James King and Honourable Elizabeth White
Christening in 1946

Rosemary Elphinstone – daughter of Reverend the Honourable Andrew Elphinstone and Jean Hambro
Christening in 1947

Sandra Butter – daughter of Major Sir David Butter and Myra Wernher
Christening in 1948

Caroline Longman – daughter of Mark Longman and Lady Elizabeth Lambart
Christening in 1951

Georgina Villiers – daughter of Honourable Nicholas Villiers and Mary Weld-Forester
Christening in 1952

Harriet Colville – daughter of Sir John Colville and Lady Margaret Egerton
Christening in 1953
Victoria Rhodes – daughter of Denys Rhodes and Honourable Margaret Elphinstone
Christening in 1953

Lady Virginia FitzRoy – daughter of Hugh FitzRoy, 11th Duke of Grafton and Fortune Smith
Christening in 1953
Princess Friederike of Hanover – daughter of Prince Georg Wilhelm of Hanover and Princess Sophie of Greece
Christening in 1954

Elizabeth Dugdale – daughter of Sir John Dugdale and Kathryn Stanley
Christening in 1958

Katherine Somervell – daughter of Peter Somervell and Diana Bowes-Lyon
Christening in 1961

Edwina Hicks – daughter of David Hicks and Lady Pamela Mountbatten (younger daughter of the 1st Earl Mountbatten of Burma)
Christening: 1962

Princess Theodora of Greece daughter of Constantine II and Princess Anne Marie of Denmark
Christening in 1983